{a river runs through it}

I was thinking more about that amazing journey that I wrote about in my last post.  All of those people, and connections, and events, all weaving through my life to make my dreams come true.

It got me thinking about one of the most important parts, not included at all in that story.  A river of hope and love that ties all of those things together.

Ms L.  Through every single part of that story Ms L was beside me, encouraging me, believing in my dreams, believing that dreams matter.  A mirror reminding me that we are meant to dream big, live large and reach beyond what we think is possible for ourselves.

Tonight I came home from work and waiting for me on the kitchen bench was a gift, with a note.  "You'll need this for FLORA!!!!"

I am truly blessed, and truly grateful {not to mention pretty chuffed about having a brand spanking new camera}.

Happy weekend my friends.

{me & flora bowley, a story in nine parts}

part I

{tinniegirl} attends her first art retreat, An Artful Journey in Northern California, in Feb 2010 and meets both Mrs Spotts and Beth Nicholls of Do What You Love.  {You can actually read more about Beth's story over on CRESCENDOh at the moment}

Image credit: Flora Bowley

part II
Mrs Spotts blogs about the incredible work of artist Flora Bowley.  {tinniegirl} is completely inspired.

part III
{tinniegirl} begins to follow the blog and work of Flora Bowley and sees her teaching workshops at art retreats across the USA.  {tinniegirl} thinks that she would very much like to attend one of her Bloom True workshops one day

part IV
{tinniegirl's} friend Beth Nicholls announces her amazing art retreat to be held in Yorkshire, England in May 2011.  Flora Bowley is one of the teachers.  {tinniegirl} seriously ponders the notion of traveling to England for the retreat as a celebration of her 40th birthday.

 How amazing does this retreat space look?

part V
{tinniegirl} comes to the sad realisation that she won't be able to attend the retreat in England.  As much as she wants to support her friend's new business venture and attend a 3 day workshop with Flora Bowley, she just doesn't have the financial or emotional means to pull it off at this time.  {tinniegirl} resolves to attend one of Flora's workshops one day.  When the time is right.

part VI
Donna Heart announces on her blog that Flora Bowley will be teaching a workshop in Western Australia in March 2011.  {tinniegirl} squeals with delight, does a happy dance, and even though finances still aren't ideal, determines that she will find a way to attend.

Photo credit: Flora Bowley

part VII
{tinniegirl} does further research and discovers that Flora will also teach a workshop south of Sydney in Jervis Bay in April 2011.

part VIII
{tinniegirl} registers for Flora Bowley's east coast workshop as her 40th birthday gift.{OMG!!!!}

part IX
{tinniegirl's} heart sings and she thanks the universe for bringing her dreams to her doorstep.

{things i'm diggin', it's been a while}

 

• getting my 'word of the year' necklace in the mail this week.  i love having a touchstone to remind me of my focus.
• my word of the year.  it feels so strong and so right for this year.
• walking the talk on my word of the year and getting stuck into some of the things on my fabulously big list.

• our christmas present finally arriving on back order.  i don't think the oven or stove top will be seeing much action for a while.

(photo credit Thornberry)

• receiving the most gorgeous new handbag from Lara at Thornberry.  We did a swap of a painting for a handbag and she dropped my bag over last week.  i haven't been without it since.  Don't you just love a swap?

• buying some original art from my friend Michelle from Pipi La La.  I've loved her art and her blog for ages and Chuck Bass stole my heart.

• allowing myself time and space to find my feet in my new job
• exercising
• reading
• signing up for Mati and Lisa's new paint class 'Get Your Paint On'
• feeling the solidity of my friendships
• planning a really amazing and meaningful celebration/s for my 40th birthday
• planning an absolutely incredible treat for myself.  i'll spill the beans on that one soon.

and you?  what are you diggin'?

{holding the fort}

While I'm focused on getting back into the routine of full time work, I've got the studio assistant keeping an eye on things in the studio.  I've talked to him about the rules {no lying on the paintings at any time} but you know what they say .... never work with children or animals!

{what comes after}

After a {seemingly} long hiatus from painting it was wonderful to carve out some time in the studio over the weekend.

Courage

Acrylics on board

8 x 8 inch

I'm so pleased with this little piece.  The message applies perfectly in my life at the moment.

Both originals - 'Courage' and it's sister piece 'A Little Dream'  - are for sale in the shop now.

{tgif}

{absent}

Between the devastation happening in QLD, the energy I'm putting into my return to full time work, the opressive humidity, and a lack of creative mojo that started in early December, I haven't got much to say or show at all. 

Mostly it's the floods though.  It's so hard to keep on keeping on when so many people's lives are completely shattered. When I'm not at work I've been watching the television in disbelief and sadness, checking on friends and family (who are all ok thank goodness) and sending my thoughts and prayers to people and animals who are grieving, suffering, trying to stay safe.

I've seen plenty around blogland about how to help, but if for some reason you're out of the loop Pip has a good post here with all kinds of information.  I'm keeping it simple and donating money to the Premier's Disaster Relief Appeal.  If any of my friends from across the globe would like to make a donation I'd be happy for you to send money via my paypal account and I can make the donation on your behalf. Every little bit will help.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be facing the task of rebuilding your life and your community on such a vast scale.  I am shocked at the tests that people have to face in life, and truly amazed at the strength of the human spirit.

{dear holidays}

Thank you for taking such good care of me over the past few weeks, for providing lots of amazingly delicious food, late night trips to the ice-creamery, early morning adventures and plenty of sleeping in.

Thanks for the trips to the beach, the time spent with family, the long hours relaxing on the couch.  Thanks too for the bike rides and walks, and that monstrous hill that we discovered one particular day.  There's nothing like reaching the summit of an urban mountain to make you feel like you've conquered the world.

Thank you for the gift of time.  I loved waking up regularly with no idea what day it was, no plans and without a care in the world.  Those are the best kinds of holidays.

Thanks for the time spent with friends.  That amazing dinner with HB, and lovely afternoon spent with CP.  Of course it goes without saying that it was sooooo great to spend heaps of quality time with Ms L.

I'm probably not going to see you for a while now holidays.  I start a new job tomorrow and I'll be pretty busy over the next few months getting settled in to that.  We're also hoping to move house soon and I've got a lot of other things planned for the early parts of the year.

So thanks again for nourishing my soul, restoring balance and energising me for the year ahead.  I look forward to seeing you again sometime later in the year.

Much love

{tinniegirl}
xxx

{note to self}

One of the items on my big list is to write letters.  I decided this week that the first person I'm going to write to is myself.  I'm going to pour all my hopes and dreams, plans and schemes, advice and kindness, into a great big letter to me.  I'm going to seal it up and store it away in a safe place, and I'm going to forget about it.  Until...

...Until the end of the year.  In early December I'm going to open the letter up and I'm going to see what has come to pass.  I'm going to see what I knew now, that I didn't realise I knew {if that makes sense}.  Call it a lesson in dreaming if you will.

I want you to join me.  I want you to write a letter to yourself, and fill it up with all your heart's content.  Your wishes and your hopes for the year, your gentle advice to yourself, your reservations, your secret desires.  Write it all out and then seal it up.

When you've done that I want you to send it to me.  Yep, that's right.  Pop it in the post to:

{tinniegirl}

PO Box 1107

Thornbury 

Victoria 3071

Australia

I'm going to keep all our letters together.  All our dreams and our hopes, held tightly together in one place.  Sealed up in their own envelopes but connected to a bigger whole.  Holding each other throughout the year.  In the first week of December I'll post your letter back to you. {make sure your return address is clearly marked on the envelope so I can send it back to you}

If you'll join me then shoot me an email {address on my contact page} with 'NOTE TO SELF' in the subject line.  You don't need to put anything in the body of the email.  That way I'll know it's on its way to me.  Have your letters in the post to me no later than Friday 14th January.

**********************************************

This year feels like it's off to the most incredible start.  It feels so big and amazing, and already so different.  I am so full of dreams and plans, so much so that I feel overwhelmed with the possibility of them.  It's hard to believe that I'm big enough for these ideas that are coursing through my veins at the moment.

I was listening to a recording by Jen Lemen yesterday and she talked about "knowing who I was and who I was meant to be in the world".  That's exactly how I'm feeling.  I just have to be brave enough to trust it.  To trust that these things are meant for me.  That I am more than enough to take this journey.  And to share it with you.

{a journey with words}

there's one final thing to do before diving into 2011 body, mind and soul.

i love the tradition of picking a word for the year.  i started thinking about it a few weeks back, letting different words arrive and then sit with me for a couple of days. seeing how they felt alongside my intentions.

i started off with 'rest', shortly followed by 'gentle' and then 'rejuvenate' showed up in my journaling one morning.

'rejuvenate' [verb]: make (someone or something) look or feel younger, fresher or more lively

while i knew that i wanted the year to be about renewing and reenergising so many aspects of my life, i wasn't so keen on the implied notion of youthfulness being a desired state.  somehow it felt like i'd be foregoing the lessons i learned throughout last year and trying to step backwards in time.  it seemed that what was speaking to me was the idea of change.

'change' [verb]: make or become different; transform

with all my heart i want 2011 to be different to 2010.  there are things i want more of and things i want less of.  i want me to be different too.  if you look at my list it's obvious there's things about myself i want to transform.  i talked here about juxtaposition, and when i sit 2010 and 2011 side by side at the end of the year i'd hope to see real contrast.

somehow though 'change' didn't quite encapsulate what i was reaching for.  i was looking for a word that i could hold onto, that i could carry with me, that would ground me when i needed it {in the same way that surrender was a touchstone for me last year}.  i wanted something more solid.

'power' [noun]: ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something
 
for a brief moment, when i saw this message from the universe on the frankston esplanade, i entertained notions of power.  but once again it just didn't sit quite right.

yesterday i was back in the studio doing some early morning journaling.  i was writing about my commitment to making 2011 a really wonderful year, noting my strength and my resolve to making things different.  and just like that, there it was.  a quiet and gentle word, yet full of the strength and determination that's been calling to me. my word for 2011...

'resolve' [noun]: firm determination to do something

{a fabulously big list by a girl who likes to have her cake and eat it}

in 2011 i hope for, dream of, plan to:

• holiday in hawaii and mainland USA
• celebrate my 40th birthday in a meaningful way
• move to a new home filled with light and space, close to birds and trees
• hold 2 solo art exhibitions - one in a gallery
• enter more group art shows
• license some of my art
• win an art award
• get published in Cloth Paper Scissors
• play with new ideas - bookbinding, art journaling
• explore other facets of my creativity more - writing, dreaming, building community
• commit to losing weight and keeping it off
• develop new cooking skills and habits
• maintain my love of cooking and food whilst losing weight
• commit wholeheartedly to my new day job
• maintain my blog as a means of connecting, creating community, sharing hope, inspiring others, collaborating and documenting my journey 
• practice random acts of kindness
• be a loving, kind and caring partner, daughter and friend
• connect more with family
• run 5 km
• develop my artist c.v
• keep learning, growing, stretching my creative practice
• read 11 books
• host dinner parties
• write letters to friends
• learn to play chess
• buy some original art
• improve my vocabulary
• take better care of my skin
• treat myself - massages, pedicures, books, movies, courses and workshops
• shop at farmer's markets more regularly
• take some day trips and mini-breaks
• improve our financial situation
• be authentic, be brave, be gentle, be true to myself

yep, it's a big list.  some of it will definitely happen, some of it won't, but i'm willing to take a risk on dreaming that it might be so.

how about you? have you got a list to share?  i'd love to read it.  just pop your link in below.

{how to write a list}

• let go of the past.  it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do before.
• carve out some meaningful space and time for yourself.
• let go of fear. let go of expectation.
• write at least one thing on your list that scares you.
• keep your list somewhere special. read it regularly.
• write the way that works for you. maybe's it's just words of intention, maybe you like to write around themes {financial, health, family, creativity, work}, or maybe you just like to write a big list of everything.
• write it over a few days or write it in one sitting.
• don't overthink it. let your dreams and hopes, plans and goals unfold.
• be brave.
• have fun.
• dream big.

i'll be posting my list tomorrow. join me?

{you'll need to be quick}

After my post yesterday I wanted to add a quick note.  If you're looking for a really great way to kick start your list making and goal setting for 2011 my lovely friend Louise Gale is running an excellent 4 week e-course covering just that topic.  I've been meaning to write a post about it for ages, and for some reason I just didn't get to it.

It's a mixture of dreaming and planning, exactly like I was talking about yesterday.  Exactly the way I like to plan my year.  If I wasn't starting a new job and saving my energy for that I'd be joining in for sure.  I know lots of other creative souls who are.

Anyway, it starts tomorrow so you'll have to get cracking if you want to join in.

{9 books, 5 exhibitions, 1 amazing trip to the USA and umpteen loaves of bread}

My very favourite photo of 2010

Way back at the start of 2010 there was A List of Big and Small Things.  There were specific goals and there were wishes.  A mixture of plans and dreams, hopes and intention.  It's the way I like to do my new year's list.  Part pragmatist, part dreamer.  It's the way I like to do everything really. I wrote a post here about my philosophy with lists that pretty much sums it up.

Over the last few weeks I've been reflecting a lot on 2010 and all that it brought.  I've been looking back at my list and thought I'd do a wrap up of where I got to with that list of big and small things:

• I read 9 books - I was aiming for 13 but I didn't quite make it. However, I rediscovered my love of reading.
• I spent lots of time with Mumsy and with good people.
• I got out of the house lots and it felt good.
• I wrote almost daily, often here on the blog but also in my journal.  Most mornings I spend a quiet 20-30 minutes in my studio writing, clearing and readying myself for the day.
• In January I started writing a novel.  I wrote 2 chapters, planned out 3 or 4 more and scoped out the whole story.  In February I completely lost interest and haven't touched it since.  But I'll get back to it.  Someday.
• A combination of opportunity, magic and poor financial decision-making gave us a wonderful week in Port Douglas.  I wouldn't change it for the world.
• I had an incredible trip to the US in Feb/March.  It was by far the highlight of 2010.
• Ms L and I quietly celebrated our 10 year anniversary in April with dinner at a nice local restaurant.  Again in Port Douglas we had a sumptuous meal at Nautilus.  What stands out the most though is the way that we have celebrated the ordinary and everyday over this past year.  The way that our relationship has stood strong through the immense tests this year has thrown at us.  The way that we have found laughter in the struggles and hope in the darkness.  There is much to celebrate in the realisation that I am part of a solid and loving team.
• I baked loads of bread after treating myself to a copy of 'Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes A Day'.
• I did relax more and I did have more fun.  I got better at letting go of all the 'shoulds'.
• I had an absolutely incredible year with my art. My practice grew, my style developed and I stretched myself creatively beyond my wildest expectations.
• I had my first solo exhibition, participated in 4 group exhibitions, had my work selected for publication in Patti Digh's next book and most amazingly was shortlisted for an art award.  Interestingly when I wrote this goal I had no specific plans at all for what I was going to do in relation to my art.  I just put my intention out there and then said 'yes' when opportunity came my way.
• Just prior to Christmas I got the phone call I'd been waiting on since September.  In just over a week I'll be starting a new full time job.  After having spent most of this year out of the workforce I've had a lot of time to reflect on what I'm looking for in a job.  I think this job will be fulfilling, rewarding and enjoyable.  I feel ready to put my skills and energy to good use & I can't wait to get a regular pay in the bank.

and then there were a few things that didn't happen:

• We didn't spend NYE 10/11 in Thailand with our friends.
• I didn't lose 30kg.  
• We didn't pay off our personal loans and we didn't save a cent.
• I didn't entertain much and I didn't cook great meals as much as I hoped.
• I didn't make collaborative projects a reality.
• We didn't move to a bright, spacious new house, close to parkland and close to the city.  When the owners of our house decided to sell up I thought for sure it was a sign that it was a time to move.  We explored moving to the country and then realised that we love it right where we are.  I've spent most of the last 4 months grappling with the reality that we just don't have the money to move at the moment whilst feeling completely unsettled by the constant open for inspections and the not knowing when we might have to move.  I've spent most of the last 4 months knowing that the best thing to do is to stay put for now, feeling so stuck and hating every minute of it.  I've spent most of the last 4 months trying to accept that it isn't time to move yet, for whatever reason.

and was I kind, patient, trusting, understanding and calm with myself and others?  Well, you know, sometimes I was.  It's an ongoing pursuit.

So that's me and my list.  Lots of success, more than I ever hoped for, and a few disappointments.  It doesn't deter me one bit from list making or from dreaming big.

In fact I'm in the process of writing my 2011 list.  I've been scribbling notes of things I'd like to make happen this year for the last few weeks.  I'm going to pull it all together into a lovely list and share it here in the next couple of days.

I'm wondering if you might like to join me in making your own list of big and small things?  If you would then start jotting down your ideas {big & small, practical & dreamy, anything goes} and I'll put a linky list up with my post so we can drop around and see what each other has planned.  I'll plan some follow up posts too so we can check in on each other throughout the year.  A informal dreamers group if you like.