{the struggle, and it's gifts}

Self Portrait - Great Barrier Reef - 2010

I'm not entirely sure when the struggle began.  Was it in April when I lost my job, and the lack of structure and routine tipped my balance completely?  Or was it last year when my world was ripped asunder by the death of my oldest friend?  Did it all derail 4 years ago when Ms L became chronically ill?  Or was it even further back when I became deeply dissatisfied with my career around 10 years ago?  

I've been pondering this, trying to pinpoint the moment when I felt like my life really became hard.  For some reason I thought that if I could identify the beginning I could somehow work from that moment to 'fix' things, and there would be no more struggles from here on in!

Suddenly (as in lightening bolt moment) I've realised that the struggle has no one starting point, and nor is it a constant, even though I had mistakenly come to believe that it is.  The struggle I see, is a wave, cresting and falling throughout my life.  Sometimes it takes the form of a large swell, bobbing me around and leaving me with a slight sea sickness.  Other times it's a raging ocean, tossing me around, drowning me, spitting me out on the beach gasping for air.

But I see now that there are other waves, and other seas in my life too.  Gentle calm waters that hold me afloat for months on end.  Gorgeous surf for diving and frolicking, making me feel young and free.  Great adventures out at sea that open my eyes and lead to new ways of being in the world.

And now I also see the gifts.  I see that the struggle never leaves us without gifts, if we are open to receiving them.  For me it's been trust, and art, and purpose, and friendships, and strength, and love.

I feel like I'm seeing things clearly for the first time.  The tides that move through my life.  The way things always change and always will. I thought I knew this stuff already but somehow this knowing is different.  It's coming from a much deeper and stronger part of myself.

It seems to me right now I'm out at sea, floating peacefully face down, completely captivated by the tropical reef world below.

{why i'm feeling so damn good about things}

 

{new ways of doing, seeing, being}

Prosperity

Vintage maps, acylics and Pitt pens on wooden board

6 x 6 inch

On the morning we headed off to Port Douglas I grabbed a bag of paints and other bits and pieces, thinking how nice it would be to play a little while I was away.

The title of this post began life as a thought about these paintings.  They're different to my usual style, less abstract.  I painted them specifically with ideas about the future in mind, about where Ms L and I are headed, about how (and where) I want to live my life.

Abundance

Vintage maps, acylics and Pitt pens on wooden board

6 x 6 inch

What I came to realise was that the title of the post reflected so much more than the paintings.  It's an expression of where I am.  Feeling really differently about the world.  Feeling like I can let go of the stress, the scarcity, the uncertainty that has plagued me the past few months.  Feeling ready to embrace prosperity and abundance, and knowing that all I need to do to let that happen is to trust.  Feeling like my old self, or perhaps a new version of that old self.

New or old, the world looks so very different on the other side of the last 10 days.  

It's good to be home. Literally and figuratively.

{gone north}

Great Barrier Reef 2007

So goodbye for a while 

I'm off to explore
Every boundary and every door
Yeah I'm going north

                              ~ Missy Higgins ~

{can anyone loan me some rose coloured glasses}

Wishing Girl

Mixed-media, acrylics and paintsticks on canvas

11 x 14 inch

For the most part I'm a pretty positive soul.  I tend to look on the bright side of life, think positive, trust the universe, believe in magic, and all those good things.  I do.  I really do.

I mean, what's the point of focusing on the bad stuff, or feeling miserable about the things that aren't going quite the way you want them to.  Things change, life goes up and down, good things happen and sometimes bad ones do too.  In the scheme of things I live a great life, and I feel lucky in all sorts of ways.

Every now and then though, I find it hard to keep the faith.  Sometimes when I can't see the future layed out neatly ahead of me I don't know how to trust that it's all going according to plan.  

I'm having one of those times at the moment.  Wondering where life is taking me, wondering if we'll find a new place to live that we really love, wondering what to do about my work situation, wondering if my creative business will ever take off, wondering why I keep getting sick, wondering how to hear to my own truth amongst all the noise going on in my head and in the world around me, wondering how to remain positive in amidst all these questions, and fear, and self-doubt.  Wondering, wondering, wondering...

I can't wait to get on the plane next week.  I think a week in Port Douglas is just what the doctor would prescribe for this weary dreamer.

{whinge, whinge, moan & complain}

I'm full of winter, and a sinus infection, and a severe case of the 'miserables'.

It's Melbourne.  It's August.  What more needs to be said?  Cold and grey, and gloomy, I've never liked August much at all.

Luckily for me I'm off to Port Douglas next week. 

So really, apart from the sinus infection, which is most uncomfortable, all this whinging and whining is really quite uncalled for!

{when i grow up...}

keeper of the polka dots

del kathryn barton

... I want to be Del Kathryn Barton.  Passionate, accomplished, driven, intense, compelled. 

I dream that one day my paintings will reach this level of depth, visually and emotionally. I dream that one day I will come to really understand why I paint, what my paintings mean, how they help me make sense of the world.

You can watch a really interesting doco about her art and life over here on Artscape.

This is exactly the kind of artist I want to be. 

{signs are good}

Ms L, CurlyPops and I took a drive out to the urban fringe on the weekend.  A little bit of exploring for mine and Ms L's upcoming move.

As we pulled up in Gisborne for a bite to eat I looked out the car window and there was a whole window of Ric-Rac goodness smiling at me.  What a lovely welcome I thought.

A little further down the road in Macedon we had some other friends welcome us to town and show us the way around.

Really good signs I thought, and as I took a quiet moment to listen to my inner dialogue I heard my heart say YES.

{it was philip, in the gym, on the x-trainer}

I came across Philip and his "year of kissing people" at the Emerging Writer's Festival, where he spoke as part of a panel of bloggers.  I was completely fascinated by his quirky projects.

Philip is a beautiful writer, a fabulous speaker, and, as it turns out, a lovely kisser.

And the kiss?  Well, I'll let Philip tell you about that.

{baby it's cold outside}

Photo courtesy of Ms L

It is cold and grey and wintry here in Melbourne town.  But that's no reason not to get out and play.

The NCB is happening tomorrow night so come out for some crafting and chat, or a glass of mulled wine.

Fairfield Primary School (Langridge St, Fairfield) is having it's annual Art Show and Family Fun Day this Sunday 15th August.  I have two originals in the show for sale - Wishing and Hoping.

The Exquisite Palette Show is on at St Luke (Smith St, Collingwood) until early September.  Did I tell you my piece made the shop window?  I get to see it every time I go to work.  Such a thrill.

The Journey Home exhibition at Chair 14 finishes on Wednesday 18th August and all the paintings will be coming down and moving to their new homes.

Last, but not least, for those of you who just can't be bothered going out of the house, you've got a week left to purchase prints from my shop at 20% off.  The opening sale ends on Wednesday 18th August as well.

I love thinking about all of us in the Southern hemisphere journeying through the heart of winter, while all our friends in the Northern hemisphere are at the peak of their summer days.  There's such a sense of balance about it don't you think?

{not quite what I had in mind}

Arrival

Acrylics on canvas

5 x 5 inch

For days I've been carrying around a growing sense that something was about to happen.  I could feel change in the air, sweeping towards me.

At the same time I've also had a real sense of things falling into place, of moving forward.  I've been so excited to feel this way after a number of years of feeling really uncertain about both the present and the future.

When the phone call came from the owners of our house last night to say they are selling up, it completely floored me.  "What?" I thought.  "What on earth is that?"  "That's not what I had in mind!"

"My beloved studio" I thought, "my neighbourhood, my comfort zone".  "How will we manage?  Where will we go?  How will we afford it?"  Not to mention packing up after 3 years of embracing this space we call home.

Then I stood back and I saw the adventure before us.  I briefly glimpsed the possibilities.  I saw the big house surrounded by gum trees that I've been dreaming of.  I saw the birds visiting me each day.  I saw the slower lifestyle I've been craving.  I saw the tree change that I've been pondering for many, many months.  

And a thought occurred to me.   Maybe, just maybe, I thought, it might be worth considering this as a gift.  It might just be worth taking this opportunity to explore the possibilities, to take stock, and to consider all the paths before us.

Who knows where Ms L and I will end up.  It might be around the corner, it might be a ways down the road.  I think that wherever it is, it will be because we said a great big YES to the universe and reached out and took an opportunity when it was presented to us.

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Especially you sea changers/tree changers out there.  What made you do it?  How did you know it was time?  Do you ever look back?  What do you miss?  What do you love about your decision?

And those of you who just dream about such things, what do you think about timing, and tree changes, and adventure, and where your dreams might take you if you were faced with such an opportunity?

{falling into place}

I love it when a painting starts to come together, a plan begins falling into place, a path forward becomes clearer.

All good, happy things on a sunny winter's day.

{the winter of my content}

Contentment: the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind

I am buried in the deepest sense of rest that I've felt in many years.  What is one to do but surrender in the strongest of ways?

That's A Big Tick

The shop is open, and I'm having an opening sale to celebrate.

All prints are 20% off until August 18th.  That means you pay $25 instead of $31.50 per print.  All prices are in US$.

If you prefer to work with AUD then you can contact me directly at tinniegirl(at)optusnet(dot)com(dot)au to place an order, and arrange payment.   Australian prices are $28 per print until August 18th and then the regular price is $35.

I hope you're having a lovely weekend.  Now that I've ticked 'get shop open' off the to do list it's time to get on to the tax return.

{things i'm diggin'}

• nearly selling out at my exhibition. There's only 2 paintings left - Reef and I Listen To Birds. If you can't make it to the show but you're interested in purchasing one of the remaining pieces feel free to get in touch.
• getting the test prints of my work done this week. I'm gobsmacked by the quality. I can't wait to get my online shop open (hopefully next week!).
• dining at Wabi Sabi last night.
• taking lots of time out this week to rest, relax, be. I've realised recently how challenging I find it to stop but I'm learning how necessary it is to sustain myself, and I'm totally committed to the idea of taking great care of myself.
• counting the sleeps till we have a week away in Port Douglas. It was on my wish list for this year and thanks to a little bit of magic we've made it happen.
• feeling balance return after a topsy-turvy month.
• playing around with some new paintings.
• seeing my Exquisite Palette piece in the window at St Luke this morning. Seriously, a piece of my art in a shop window! The exhibition looks amazing. It's worth a trip to Smith St if you're in the hood.
• entertaining the notion that perhaps struggle is not an essential part of my life.
• plans for a Korean dinner with Ms L this evening.
• the arrival of the weekend.

How about it peeps? What are you diggin'?