SURRENDER

"It's tempting to think & think & think, thinking that this will lead to some place of peace and resolution. When in fact the opposite is the case - peace and resolution are found when we learn not to think & think & think, and just BE!" (CPK 31/1/08)

Two years ago today I penned that quick thought. Right now is one of those classic trigger times where overthinking can easily take hold. I'm busy at work, busy at home, busy getting ready for the trip. There are a plenty of lists to manage, things to be done and thoughts to be thunk. I'm excited beyond words and full of nervous energy. All too easily these various factors can combine and lead to a total meltdown.

Today, in the face of that multitude of things to do, I stayed in my PJ's most of the day, baked some bread, pottered in the studio and ordered the groceries online. I left the gym for another day and now I'm curled up on the couch for a night of TV.

I think I'm finally starting to understand what it is to just BE.

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I did manage to find a minute to put my recent collages in the shop. They're there now if you're interested, including lots of pictures of the fine details.

Just A Thought

Maybe I/You/We can have My/Your/Our cake and eat it too

Maybe happiness is a possibility

Maybe everything is working out for the best

Maybe it's all going according to plan

Maybe I/You/We will conquer My/Your/Our fear and self-doubt

Do you ever think this way?

Today

Affirmation cards from The Creative Beast

grounding myself in messages that wonderful souls have sent me.

looking forward to surrounding myself with more creativity and serenity
tonight at the Northern Craft Bonanza.

trying to follow the lead of {the penny has dropped} and tell fear where to go.

Gorgeous print from 74 Lime Lane - a beautiful surprise gift from Kellie

What Are You Hungry For?

Hunt - Acrylics, CurlyPops crazy stitching, paper, vintage doilies and embroidery on canvas

Me? Today?
Certainty
Confidence
Courage
Guidance
A sign
A chance
To be seen

Some days I'm the keeper of wishes and dreams
and other days I'm full of fear and self-doubt.
I feel so incredibly human.

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Ms L randomly picked a winner for the collage giveaway. The "wish" collage is going to It's The Things That Make You Go Mmmm. I think somewhere deep inside her subconscious she knew it was meant for her. First she left a comment without a wish, then she came back and left a wish, and then she even went so far as to do her own blog post about it. Isn't that magic? Get in touch Susan.

Things I'm Diggin'

New blog finds

I Saw You Dancing a new blogger and kindred spirit. I connected with her ideas and words immediately. The best bit of the story is that The Creative Beast, who lives in LA, introduced us, and we live in North Fitzroy and Thornbury. How cool is that?

{the penny has dropped} I adore this blog. My love affair first began when I saw her letter to her fear.

pepper stitches I just discovered this blog today and it's choc full of so much good stuff.

Project Play 365 Megan's photography blows my mind. Check out this picture.

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The Northern Craft Bonanza. We're getting together this Thursday night if you're around and want to get crafty with us. Details here.

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Painting. I can't get enough of painting at the moment. I feel like I've really found my stride recently. I've been working on these 3 pieces since the new year and I love the way they turned out. I'm planning to put them in my Etsy shop sometime this week.

Shine - Acrylic paint, collage papers and vintage tablecloth on canvas

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Surrender - Acrylic paint, collage papers and vintage tablecloth on canvas

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Grow - Acrylic paint, collage papers and vintage tablecloth on canvas

If you're interested in purchasing one I'm selling them for $55 AUD or $50 US plus postage (around $10 -$15 for postage, depending on your location). They measure 8 x 24 inches If you'd like to buy one and pay by direct deposit then get in touch by email (tinniegirl(at)optusnet(dot)com(dot)au. Otherwise look out for them in the shop soon.

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Catching up with my crafty-partner-in-crime tomorrow

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Keeping wishes and dreams safe and warm. I'll announce the giveaway winner tomorrow. Last chance to pop your wish in the comment box if you haven't already done so.

Sometimes We All Need A Little...

Happy Saturday to you

Can't Wait To Meet You

Did you know it's only 25 days till I'll be sitting on a plane. 25 DAYS. Oh my goodness, that's so wonderfully, fabulously close. Don't worry I've already got a few lists in the making - things to pack, travel arrangements to organise, places to visit, gifts to take, things to buy and bring home for Ms L.

What's more, in just 27 days I'll be checking-in to An Artful Journey, I'll be meeting Monica and Chrissy and Mrs Spotts for the first time, I'll be introducing myself to the amazing box of art supplies above, that I ordered through Dick Blick and shipped to Monica to transport for me. I'll be meeting Kelly Rae Roberts, and spending 3 days learning her painterly, collaging ways. In 27 days I'll be living a dream.

I love remembering how I got here. On a whim and a prayer I signed up for the retreat and was allocated a spot. If you have a moment go and read what I wrote at the time. There is so much to be said for intention, for putting it out there, for trusting.

My next wish is to work out a way to take the laptop away with me, so I can blog along my journey. Apple, you don't want to give us one of your fabulous, shiny, new 21.5 inch iMac's by chance?

Did you know that I'm collecting wishes and dreams? You can pop over to this post and deposit your wish. I'll keep it safe, and warm, and well fed for you. Oh, I love wishes and dreams. I like being the keeper of such important things.

There's even a collage up for grabs for anyone who drops a wish in the comment box before Sunday night.

You're Kidding Me Right?

I had to share this little gem. This is what my computer had to say to me this morning when I was prompted to change my password:

"The password supplied does not meet the minimum complexity requirements. Please selection another password that meets all of the following criteria:

• is at least 7 characters;
• has not been used in the previous 24 passwords;
• must not have been changed within the last 0 days;
• does not contain your account or full name;
• contains at least 3 of the following four character groups:

1. english uppercase characters (A through Z)
2. english lowercase characters (a through z)
3. numerals (0 through 9)
4. non-alphabetic characters (such as !,$,#,%)

Type a password which meets these requirements in both text boxes."

I'll give you !$#% alright. I nearly had to turn around and go home.

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Don't forget to drop your wish in the comment box for the chance to win a collage. I like being the keeper of wishes. It feels, to me, to be a very worthy cause.

Lists Are Good

You got me thinking when I posted A List Of Big And Small Things a week or so ago. Was my list really too big? Too ambitious? Was I setting myself up for failure?

The thing I started to wonder about mostly was the nature of my list. When I wrote the list, I never thought about it the way I'd think of a 'to do' list. It was much more fluid than that.

There's some things on that list that I know will definitely happen. For example, the fact that I'm on an employment contract with an end date means that I'll definitely have to get a new job. Whether or not the new job is fulfilling, rewarding and enjoyable as my list states remains to be seen. I'm certainly working on understanding what I need, to increase my chances of finding what I'm looking for. My upcoming trip to the USA is another definite, and I'm pretty confident I'll have a fabulous time.

There are some things on the list that are goals. Like reading 13 books, and seeing my Mum more often. Losing 30kgs. These are pretty specific and I've worked out plans to achieve them. Again, things won't always go to plan, but I'm putting the things in place to give them the best chance.

Then there's the dreams, the wishes, the intentions. The things I hope for, the things I want to manifest. I don't really hold myself accountable for these. I just want to put them out there, to say to the universe 'these are the things I hope for myself and maybe they are meant to be'. These are the loose kinds of lists, the Mondo Beyondo kind. Things like take a trip to Port Douglas, writing a novel, move to a bright, spacious new house close to parks and the city, and spend NYE in Thailand. It will probably take a little bit of magic to make these happen.

At the end of the year I'll look back on the list and I'll reflect. I'll note the things that happened and those that didn't. I'll explore the year and all that it offered me. I'll take the position of an observer rather than an accountant. In doing so, I'll actually achieve one of the things on my list - 'Be kind, patient, trusting, understanding and calm with myself'.

But I'll tell you a little something. Sometimes the magic of a list is the willingness to dream, to wish, to hope. Sometimes the act of putting your intention out there is what brings your dreams closer to you. Sometimes you have to be willing to tell the Universe 'this is what I wish for, can you help me?.

So, how about you? Is there something you wish could happen this year? Why don't you write it here in the comments, and I'll be the keeper of your wish. Everyone who drops a wish in the comment box by Sunday night will go in the draw to win this collage.

Maps, acrylic paints, CurlyPops crazy stitching and assorted textiles on canvas

Shine

Acrylics, vintage tablecloth and cardboard letters on canvas

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

I Heart Words...

Toilet door, Myer City Store, Melbourne

...especially those found scribbled in toilets, sprayed on walls, stenciled on footpaths. Words to make you think, words to make you smile and words that make you stop for a moment before you say "ah, I get it".

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I've been playing house here on my blog. Tidying, rearranging and de-cluttering to make way for the new decade, and all that it might bring. I got rid of the followers list but I've added the RSS button so you can easily add me to a reader.

I've got a few more finishing touches to make but I'm really liking the clean, fresh look. I did a little bit of house-keeping over at the Northern Craft Bonanza too.

About Last Night

You can read my thoughts over here.

Oooh, Go On

Break out the hand stitching, the crochet or any other of your craft projects and get yourself down to Chair 14 tomorrow (Thursday) night for the first Northern Craft Bonanza for 2010. We're kicking off at around 7pm.

You'll find Chair 14 at 167 Darebin Rd, Thornbury (near the corner of Victoria Rd), and you'll find me with my embroidery down the back on the comfy couches.

Hope to see you there.

Matters Of The Heart

It's been a tough week. Saying goodbye to friends is the hardest thing to do. There's lots of words floating around in my head but they're not making their way out into the world. They're coming though. Soon.

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Speaking of soon, the Northern Craft Bonanza kicks off next Thursday night. All the details are here. Please do come along. Everyone is welcome and I would love to see you there.

A List Of Big and Small Things

My hopes, dreams, intentions, goals and things I want to manifest in 2010:

• Read 13 books - that's one a month and one to spare
• Take a trip to Port Douglas
• Celebrate mine and Ms L's ten year anniversary - perhaps in Port Douglas
• Spend NYE 10/11 in Thailand with Ms L and our friends Audrey and Mat
  
• Get a job that is fulfilling, rewarding and enjoyable
• Pay off our personal loans and save $5,000
• Lose 30kg
• Move to a bright, spacious new house, close to parkland and close to the city
• Enjoy domestic pursuits - bake bread, cook great meals, entertain friends
• Get out of the house more
• Keep up the daily writing
• Start writing a novel
• Grow my artistic practice - explore new ideas, projects, mediums,
  
• Exhibit and/or publish my art
  
• Hang out with good people
• Make collaborative project ideas into realities
  
• Hang out with my Mum more
• Have fun, relax more
• Have a fabulous trip to the USA in February/March
• Be kind, patient, trusting, understanding and calm with myself and others
  

OK 2010, I'm ready.

She Played A Mean Piano

Ms L's dear friend Peaches passed away on NYE

A consummate performer,
an extraordinary woman,
a mother to 3 amazing young women

we are very sad to say farewell
travel safely dear friend
you will be greatly missed

2009: Farewell

Street Art, Liverpool St, Melbourne

"And I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes
Oh, I've felt that fire and I, I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned"
Pink - Crystal Ball

I've been thinking about my end of year post for a few weeks now. Trying to find the feeling and the words that would tell the story. I was driving today listening to Pink. The lines above say it all about what 2009 was for me.

At the start of the year I said I wanted to ENJOY. "I'd like to enjoy life more, enjoy taking risks, enjoy the good things that have been happening in my life, enjoy moving forwards with my dreams and goals, enjoy my relationships with people and enjoy each and every day for what it is."

Looking back now I'd take the word ENJOY out of that sentence. It would read more like this "I'll live life more, take risks, build on the good things that have been happening in my life, move forward with my dreams and goals, develop my relationships with people and take each and every day for what it is."

If it read like that I would declare it to be true. I achieved many goals, made progress with others and there were a few that just didn't make it. There were lots of things that weren't on the list that were accomplished, created and experienced.

But the word ENJOY is not the word that describes my year. 2009 was many things, and there were definitely times that were enjoyable. But it was not an easy year, it was not a year filled with lightness and a relaxed way of being in the world.

2009 was the year that my best friend died. 2009 was the year that Ms L's chronic fatigue continued to create havoc on all aspects of our life. 2009 was a year of deepest unrest in my working life, including an unsatisfactory job change and continued career questioning. 2009 was a year of financial difficulty, car trouble, computer meltdowns. 2009 was a year of questioning, self-doubt, uncertainty and grief.

At the same time 2009 was a year of creating and strengthening. 2009 was a year where blog friendships became real friendships. 2009 was a year where I explored and expanded my creativity. 2009 was a year where I made plans, and dreamed big of the creative life I want to live. 2009 was a year where I developed a daily discipline for writing and loved it. 2009 was a year that I rode over 1000kms, joined a gym and started my weight loss journey.

2009 was a year to test me, to stretch me and to help me to see what I'm capable of and what matters. I am learning to be brave and to take risks, I'm learning to be honest with myself and others, I'm learning to be strong and confident and sure of my place in the world.

I didn't ENJOY 2009 but I wouldn't change it, apart from wishing that my best friend were still alive. I wouldn't take back the lessons.

I come to 2010 knowing that the universe has a plan for me, that I just have to listen, look for signs, be open to opportunity, willing to say yes, patient. I think that 2010 is going to be a wonderful year.

Happy New Year!