Losing weight and getting fit has been on my list of things to do for a long time now. Last year when I did the Mondo Beyondo course I challenged myself to take action towards this long held dream. So I joined the gym, and I went along, and at times I tried really hard, and then I'd fall off the wagon, and then I'd get back on, and off, and on, and so it goes.
Amazingly though, I've never thrown in the towel. It's been almost a year now. I'm still trying to find exactly what works for me, and thanks to my dedicated and passionate trainer Michelle, I'm completely determined to stick with it and achieve my goals.
I started a new gym program last week that's really different to anything I've done before. Instead of doing a set number of a particular exercise, I have to do as many of each exercise as I can and only stop when I can't possibly do more.
As well as finding it extremely physically demanding, I've found it a huge emotional stretch. When I considered what it was that was challenging me so I realised that it was about failure. Because that's essentially the way this new program works. It's all about failure. Doing something until you actually can't do it anymore and stopping when the failure occurs (or the limit is reached).
I had a major a-ha moment yesterday when I was thinking about all this. I realised how much I prefer to take the comfortable path and achieve less than I'm capable of than risk failure. I like to know my limits, and stick safely within them, and tell myself I'm doing a great job.
Then I had an even more amazing insight. Recently I've been having a hard time with painting. While I've been feeling like my paintings are taking such great direction and that my work is getting better and better, it's felt so much more difficult. I often say to Ms L that painting used to feel so much easier and lighter, and that it rarely feels that way now.
I realised that my new exercise program is the perfect analogy for where I'm at with my painting. With painting I don't have any sense of where my limits lie. I just have to keep pushing up against the edges of what I think I'm capable of to see what's truly possible.
An Act of Love*
Acrylics on canvas
10 x 10 inch
*The title of this painting reflects my relationship with painting and also, the work involved in creating this piece. I estimate there are roughly 5000 individual dots on this small work.
PS. Don't forget my giveaway. There's still plenty of time.