I spent yesterday in a funk. The kind that sneaks up on you and before you know it you're completely immobilised by fear and self-doubt and "what if's" and "why bother's". I drifted from task to task, not really accomplishing anything but unable to surrender and let go. By the time Ms L got home from work I was in a great big hole. Deflated, defeated, despondent.
It was yuk!
Late last night I was sitting and re-hashing all the negativity, all the reasons not to try, all the reasons why nothing was ever going to work out, why I'm not good enough, on and on and on and on.
And then I thought "this doesn't have to be your story". It doesn't have to go this way. You can keep playing this same playlist over and over in your head, and giving it more strength with each repeat, or you could tell yourself a different story.
The story I told myself was kind and gentle. It was about being OK with what is, it was about remembering that everything changes, and that these moments of fear and doubt are just moments. Like everything else they pass.
It was an uplifting story about a women who is bringing her dreams to life, and who is capable of great things. It was a story about strength and determination, and accomplishments already made. It was a story that loudly declared "why not"?
Ultimately it was a story about choice, about choosing the very story that we tell ourselves.
It was an uplifting story about a women who is bringing her dreams to life, and who is capable of great things. It was a story about strength and determination, and accomplishments already made. It was a story that loudly declared "why not"?
Ultimately it was a story about choice, about choosing the very story that we tell ourselves.
I've been in the depths of funk myself lately, think I will have to read that story, too.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to re-author our stories but it makes such a difference when we do. I think working on our own and for ourselves makes us so much more vulnerable to the doubts but well done you for remembering to talk sense to yourself. I'll try it to! Best wishes,
ReplyDeleteThere's always that little voice inside our heads that tries to bring us down, especially if we are not paying attention. I've been in this place myself ...... you feel like you've fallen in a hole and just can't get out. Have to be constantly on guard ..... it's often that way with me. I love it when I hear that someone else talks to themselves and speaks with a voice of reason ..... it's not always easy, but it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteI love this new story you are telling yourself Cathy! I also love that you know that the feelings of fear and doubt will pass since you are making the choice not to stay with those feelings and choosing instead to embrace the strength and determination you need to continue the changes you are making in your life =-) WELL DONE!
ReplyDeleteLovely post Cathy. I am glad you changed your story! Such a big deal really. Good for you! I know it isn't easy.
ReplyDelete