It feels like an eternity since I've painted regularly. In truth though, it hasn't been regularity that's escaped me, it's been my usual prolific ability. Last year the paintings seemed to pour out of me. This year I've struggled to complete anything.
I've been doing this long enough now to know that there are ebbs and flows in the journey. I don't expect to be working at the same capacity all the time. But I have been surprised by just how much I seemed to have slowed down over the last 3 months. As time's worn on it's been hard to silence the creeping doubts in my head. "What if last year was my year"? "What if my passion and inspiration dry up now"? "What will life feel like if the painting is gone and it's not coming back" ? {gasp!!!}
It's been really hard to know how much to push myself and how much to just step back and let go. In practicing kindness to myself I've wanted to truly acknowledge the impact that other parts of my life have been having on my energy and emotions. At the same time though I know that sometimes we have to push through creative blocks in order to progress.
I've ended up doing a bit of both. Sometimes I've pushed myself and sometimes I've simply walked away. Most times I've pushed I haven't really gotten anywhere in terms of results I'm happy with, and the letting go has left me feeling empty and lost. But I've continued to persevere all the same...
On the weekend a small shift occured. A timid and tentative dose of inspiration arrived, and my gentle efforts produced results that weren't half bad.
Now some momentum seems to be building. Over the last couple of days colours are coming together and ideas are forming. I'm having some a-ha moments and even smiling occasionally. I'm wanting to actually be in the studio and working on something. All good signs.
I'm even here in this space a bit more and joining in with My Creative Space for the first time in I don't know how long.
Yep, signs are definitely good.
Oh, and we're getting the band back together if you haven't caught the news.
Oh, and we're getting the band back together if you haven't caught the news.
The painting will always be there..it is in you..and will never leave. I have seen the ebbs and flows of my sister and know that the cycle of creativity has all kinds of facets and mini cycles to it..time for reflection, inspiration, meditation, application, education as well as displaying the results and enjoying the ...adulation!!! I am enjoying the journey of creativity more as the years go on, hope you do too.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... persistence is a strange beast, isn't it? Sometimes it pays off, sometimes not. Sometimes walking away really is the best option.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way Ali Edwards conceptualised it here http://aliedwards.com/2011/01/daily-work-at-home-rhythm-things-i-have-learned.html
Often it's not about "balance" and more about being present and making conscious choices. Easier said than done, I'm sure!!
Remember, you are still a painter, even when you're not painting...
Visiting from creative spaces and know how you feel...the ebbing and flowing of inspiration...sometimes you are on fire and other times not so much. I suppose it's a normal part of the cycle!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to see your creativity back on show!
ReplyDeleteHappy days...
I know what you mean, too. Glad that you've from ebb to flow. Lovely little glimpse.
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean. I am in the ebb at present. Everyone says to just paint anyway and my response is just ...meh... I dunnoo! It's kind of scary like you say.
ReplyDeleteI imagine the lovely 15 bottles of goodness sparked the flow a little though! Oooh and the thought of painting with Flora. Eekkk!!!
I am glad it's coming back for you! Very glad.
yes ebb and flow going back and fourth but underlying all of it is time.
ReplyDelete