Writing my last post I really thought I had arrived at my destination. In fact it was just a stop over, on the way to somewhere else.
It all seemed and sounded so simple. I'd identified that I was repeating old negative patterns of behaviour and I realised that it was time for them to go.
I thought that I was simply dealing with settling into a new job but in reality I've been confronted with years and years of past "stuff". I don't know why it is this way, but it is. I must be ready, on some level!
It's been some of the toughest soul work I've done in a long time, and I'm still up to my neck in it. Every day is an exercise in courage, and hope, and in overcoming self-doubt and self-defeating attitudes.
Where I've come to this weekend is the realisation that kindness is the greatest gift I can give myself at the moment. That's it's OK to let some things slide. Like blogging, or staying connected to people, or even painting. I've been carrying this sense that I'm disappearing, that my dreams are fading away, that it's all coming unstuck.
But it's not. It's just shifting, and rearranging, and adjusting. Or perhaps I should say 'I', not it.
I've got a long way to travel yet. But really, I'm in no rush. The urgency is false. The timelines are self imposed. The journey is the journey. It travels its own course. And boy does it make for one hell of a ride!