2009: Farewell

Street Art, Liverpool St, Melbourne

"And I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes
Oh, I've felt that fire and I, I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned"
Pink - Crystal Ball

I've been thinking about my end of year post for a few weeks now. Trying to find the feeling and the words that would tell the story. I was driving today listening to Pink. The lines above say it all about what 2009 was for me.

At the start of the year I said I wanted to ENJOY. "I'd like to enjoy life more, enjoy taking risks, enjoy the good things that have been happening in my life, enjoy moving forwards with my dreams and goals, enjoy my relationships with people and enjoy each and every day for what it is."

Looking back now I'd take the word ENJOY out of that sentence. It would read more like this "I'll live life more, take risks, build on the good things that have been happening in my life, move forward with my dreams and goals, develop my relationships with people and take each and every day for what it is."

If it read like that I would declare it to be true. I achieved many goals, made progress with others and there were a few that just didn't make it. There were lots of things that weren't on the list that were accomplished, created and experienced.

But the word ENJOY is not the word that describes my year. 2009 was many things, and there were definitely times that were enjoyable. But it was not an easy year, it was not a year filled with lightness and a relaxed way of being in the world.

2009 was the year that my best friend died. 2009 was the year that Ms L's chronic fatigue continued to create havoc on all aspects of our life. 2009 was a year of deepest unrest in my working life, including an unsatisfactory job change and continued career questioning. 2009 was a year of financial difficulty, car trouble, computer meltdowns. 2009 was a year of questioning, self-doubt, uncertainty and grief.

At the same time 2009 was a year of creating and strengthening. 2009 was a year where blog friendships became real friendships. 2009 was a year where I explored and expanded my creativity. 2009 was a year where I made plans, and dreamed big of the creative life I want to live. 2009 was a year where I developed a daily discipline for writing and loved it. 2009 was a year that I rode over 1000kms, joined a gym and started my weight loss journey.

2009 was a year to test me, to stretch me and to help me to see what I'm capable of and what matters. I am learning to be brave and to take risks, I'm learning to be honest with myself and others, I'm learning to be strong and confident and sure of my place in the world.

I didn't ENJOY 2009 but I wouldn't change it, apart from wishing that my best friend were still alive. I wouldn't take back the lessons.

I come to 2010 knowing that the universe has a plan for me, that I just have to listen, look for signs, be open to opportunity, willing to say yes, patient. I think that 2010 is going to be a wonderful year.

Happy New Year!