Who Am I?

I've been drifting in a dark and lonely place. I look at recent posts on my blog and all seems well in my world. Have I been lying, both to you and myself? How can there be posts full of inspiration, progress and art, and then this darkness that seems to have come over my soul.

Riding my bike last week and pondering things I heard an inner voice loud and clear. "You are the one creating this struggle" it said. I know this to be true. But why? Perhaps why is the wrong question. Perhaps 'why' is just a means of giving the struggle a foothold.

Maybe the more pertinent question is 'how'? How do I wade through this quicksand? How do I find my authentic self in amidst all the noise that is going on within? How do I trust that what is in my heart is meant for me? How do I stop the fear from taking hold?

This is the place that I am stepping out of at the moment. Hopefully I'll see you on the sunny side soon.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann