Sunday, March 6, 2011

{arriving, only to realise you're not where you thought you were}

Mapping

Writing my last post I really thought I had arrived at my destination.  In fact it was just a stop over, on the way to somewhere else. 

It all seemed and sounded so simple.  I'd identified that I was repeating old negative patterns of behaviour and I realised that it was time for them to go.

I thought that I was simply dealing with settling into a new job but in reality I've been confronted with years and years of past "stuff".  I don't know why it is this way, but it is. I must be ready, on some level!

It's been some of the toughest soul work I've done in a long time, and I'm still up to my neck in it.  Every day is an exercise in courage, and hope, and in overcoming self-doubt and self-defeating attitudes.

Where I've come to this weekend is the realisation that kindness is the greatest gift I can give myself at the moment.  That's it's OK to let some things slide.  Like blogging, or staying connected to people, or even painting.  I've been carrying this sense that I'm disappearing, that my dreams are fading away, that it's all coming unstuck.

But it's not.  It's just shifting, and rearranging, and adjusting.  Or perhaps I should say 'I', not it.

I've got a long way to travel yet. But really, I'm in no rush.  The urgency is false.  The timelines are self imposed.  The journey is the journey.  It travels its own course.  And boy does it make for one hell of a ride!

14 comments:

  1. It is about the journey, so stick with it! You learn the most from what happens along the way, not when you get where you are going!

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  2. Sounds huge!!!
    Had noticed your quietness... And hoped all was ok. Xx

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  3. Hold on tight and enjoy the bits you can.

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  4. best wishes in your travels... x

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  5. Thank you for this post. Just ... thank you.

    I hope your week is great, just like you!

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  6. I think that sometimes it's just a very winding road, and therefore takes a little longer to get there, but the scenery along the way can be beautiful.

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  7. It's kind of very sad isn't it? Our lives are so short and with all the troubles we encounter along the way we never seem to arrive. It's not God's purpose for mankind though. His purpose is the restoration of the original paradaisaic conditions of Adam and Eve's pre-sin time. That was His purpose and still is, with just a six thousand year detour to prove the necessity of living by God's rules not man's. Can you fathom what life will be like with trouble and ill health removed, ecological problems sorted and people wanting to be good to one another. It just doesn't cut it the way we all have to live right now. Thinking of you. Cherrie

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  8. So true, enjoy your journey of discovering and re-visiting past experiences and thoughts. They are there to teach us something..the fun is working it all out sometimes and yes what fabulous parts of the journey are still to come. Xx

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  9. Yes enjoy your journey! Even though it seems we must get to the destination quick, it's the journey that makes it interesting and gives us something to learn. :) Good luck to you on this new path!

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  10. I found once I let go of the fact I couldnt do what I used to, it cleared the mind for new snippets of crafting, 5 mins here, 5 mins there. I dream of the days I can play all day but its not on my path just yet.

    Hope your path eases a little and you can find those 5mins of crafty you once more.
    go easy on yourself!

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  11. Healing,growing and stretching are not linear. Being kind with yourself is wise. I am going through some similar uncomfortable realizations. I LOVE how you say the urgency is false. This is SO TRUE! Thank-you for being so honest and allowing me to see myself in your truth. xo

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  12. "The urgency is false" - I'm needing to heed that too Cathy. It's the thing that trips me up over and over again.
    Enjoy the ride!
    x

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  13. Rollercoastering along, myself. Hanging on for the ride! x

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  14. cathy, thank you for your honesty. don't we all go through these seasons? i am finding that i have to give myself grace and let go of some of the expectations that i place on myself. i will get to where i am going soon enough, it is the journey and the process that really counts. thanks for your comment on my blog. it meant a lot!

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