Since last week when I finally made the call and said I don't want to be in business for myself I have felt so much lighter and happier. I can't believe the difference. Even that sense of failure that I mentioned is disappearing. The more I sit with the my decision the more I know that it's absolutely the right one for me right now. It feels good to be able to say that. To have such a solid sense of being in touch with my intuition.
That's probably the thing that has stressed me the most this year. That feeling of not being able to hear my inner whisperings. Of being completely out of touch with my own heart's desires and gut instincts. I'm left wondering how that can even happen. How can we lose our way so completely? I don't have any answer.
The biggest challenge now is sitting with the great void that my decision has left. I really have no idea what I want to do now. There's some things I know fore sure - like of course I want to continue to make art and share it with the world, and how passionate I am about inspiring others to believe in and pursue their dreams, and how I want to contribute in a meaningful way to making art more accessible to all people. But how exactly I want those passions to manifest in my life and how I might want to harness my energy into some kind of specific career direction, well those are just a mystery to me at the moment. A great big mystery.
And without answers I have to trust that there is no action to take right now, no progress to be made. I think my current task is just to learn how to quiet my mind, live in the present and let my heart speak to me again. It's been so long since I've been able to do just that.
Trust in the process can be hard - but so true that it is valuable. Hope you can find your direction soon.
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you've found the right place just to 'be' right now.
ReplyDeleteThat is so wonderful you had clarity. It feels so good! I think you nailed it with the title of your post. Just be.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for addressing this issue so honestly.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was "and in the quiet you will hear the whispers of your heart". It's hard to hear when the cacophony is going on around you. Enjoy the quiet. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you have created an AMAZING SPACE for something grand and new, as opposed to creating a 'void' by your recent decision and I am glad that you had the courage to decide how you want to move forward, even if you don't know HOW you will move forward...but then again, does anyone REALLY know what the Future will hold??!?! ;)
ReplyDeleteIn the past week I've started on my first batch of appliqued W Class Cushions in a very long time - over a year? It made my heart sing to work on them slowly, let them be a bit wonky, knowing they were going out to people I love and I don't have to meet imagined quality standards of pre-paying customers.
ReplyDeleteI love barely/rarely running a craft business any more. I make presents for loved ones, I sew necessary things for the house, and if I feel like it I go a month without sewing and do home improvements on the weekends instead. I feel steadier, slower, happier. For me the two things went hand-in-hand - I was able to release the business side of sewing because I was in a happy place, and accepted I didn't have to continue turning my creativity into a Success. And letting go of the self-imposed pressure has allowed me to be happier and more relaxed still. It helps a lot that I enjoy my decently-paid day job and we're under no financial pressure. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm at a very precious time of my life and I need to make sure I'm enjoying it.