One of the things that I took away from Vivienne McMaster's You Are You Own Muse class last year was the idea that we can capture ourselves in all our moments, and what a powerful experience it is to see ourselves and let ourselves be seen in all our guises.
I was in the studio this morning eating breakfast and writing. It's the first time I've been out of bed during the day since Monday. It's been a tough week of being sick and dealing with all the buttons that pushes for me. It's been a week of both Ms L and I being sick and trying to co-exist when everyone is completely exhausted and depleted. It's been another week of knowing that neither of us have any sick leave and there'll be financial consequences to come. In truth it's been a shit of a week. For some reason as I sat there I felt called to take out the camera and capture the moment.
I almost deleted the photo. I wanted to hide from everything I saw there. The exhaustion, the overwhelm, the fear, the self-doubt, the feeling that everything is constantly falling apart, the sickening sense that my dreams may never amount to anything, the bone tiredness from holding parts of my life together with tape and glue.
But I couldn't delete it, and I couldn't stop looking at it. And the more I looked the more I felt seen, and in being seen I felt validated, and in feeling validated I began to heal.