Friday, March 9, 2012

{what sickness & overwhelm look like}

selfie 090312

One of the things that I took away from Vivienne McMaster's You Are You Own Muse class last year was the idea that we can capture ourselves in all our moments, and what a powerful experience it is to see ourselves and let ourselves be seen in all our guises.

I was in the studio this morning eating breakfast and writing.  It's the first time I've been out of bed during the day since Monday.  It's been a tough week of being sick and dealing with all the buttons that pushes for me.  It's been a week of both Ms L and I being sick and trying to co-exist when everyone is completely exhausted and depleted.  It's been another week of knowing that neither of us have any sick leave and there'll be financial consequences to come.  In truth it's been a shit of a week.  For some reason as I sat there I felt called to take out the camera and capture the moment.

I almost deleted the photo.  I wanted to hide from everything I saw there.  The exhaustion, the overwhelm, the fear, the self-doubt, the feeling that everything is constantly falling apart, the sickening sense that my dreams may never amount to anything, the bone tiredness from holding parts of my life together with tape and glue.

But I couldn't delete it, and I couldn't stop looking at it.  And the more I looked the more I felt seen, and in being seen I felt validated, and in feeling validated I began to heal.


  1. Oh gawd. It completely sucks. You seriously need a break!

  2. Shit weeks are the worst - I remember my partner and I constantly getting sick without sick leave...I hated that dread in my stomach. But try and wake up tomorrow morning with a lighter head and a sunnier heart - life will get better again!

  3. I'm glad you didn't delete this image Cathy and I'm glad that you are taking time to integrate this part of yourself.

    I believe the time we begin to accept and HONOR our true feelings is the time we begin to experience what SELF LOVE truly means...THEN the healing really does begin =-)

    Continue with resting and heal from your illness Cathy =-)

  4. Brave and beautiful woman... I hope you are feeling a hell of alot better. I have had two flues and one cold since January... I HATE being sick. This photo inspires me. xo