there was a moment yesterday when everything became so crystal clear it was stunning. this, i thought, is exactly what i'm meant to be doing. sharing hope. now. not waiting till i'm 'fixed' or 'perfect' or 'ready', but right now in amidst all my imperfectness and all my brokenness. nothing in a long time has felt as clear as that moment when i realised that you can simultaneously offer hope whilst also receiving it. that you can be uncertain and afraid, and still have important gifts to give. i think it was this post by jen lemen that opened my eyes and my heart. it gave voice to something that i have been trying to put words around for such a long time.
i've felt so disconnected these past few months. i've been here and there, but often not really present. i've really noticed it on the blog. that i've been showing up, but a part of me has felt completely absent. i think sometimes when it all goes pear shaped we close off part of ourselves.
i've been thinking how this period has been such a time of solitude for me, and how strange it has been for an extrovert like myself to spend 7 months largely alone. i've been thinking how this time has been a journey with my painting and with myself. me in my studio with the cats and my paint brush for company. i've been thinking about how necessary this time was, but also how ready i am for it to be over. how ready i feel to do more than spend my days quietly painting. how ready i feel to connect with the world again, to write more and to think more about breathing life into this idea of sharing hope. it is compelling me.
i am so completely energised and honoured by those who contacted me regarding my post yesterday. packages will be going out soon, full of hope, love and care. thank you. together we do make a difference.