{somehow, if only, because}

i'm wishing there was a way to take all the blog posts that i write in my head {usually as i'm riding to and from work} and somehow transfer them to this space

if only i could do it without physically having to sit down at the computer

because then you'd know all about how things are with me

you'd know that we are moving house because the owner has decided to sell our place

and you'd also know that we think we have found the perfect place to live

and that it all happened/is happening with such ease that Ms L and i have had to work quite hard to trust it can be so simple

you'd also know that my new job is going really, really well

i am settling in, getting to know things and people, and enjoying it

i am learning a lot about myself and how i handle new situations, vulnerability and feeling inadequate and uncertain

i am learning that i can be different to how i've been before

i am learning that hard work is really rewarding

i am learning that i'm really good at what i do

you'd know all the thoughts i've been having about my journey over the last 4 years

about how i see now how much i accomplished in that time

and how i see now how much i wore myself out

and how i never ever want to do that to myself again

even though i don't think there was any other way it could have happened

and you'd also know about bits of baking 

and cooking adventures 

and how i laugh that i chose change as my word for this year

and how amazing it is to be part of Cam's journey at the moment

and a feeling that the year is really just getting started

and a vision board that feels full of hope and optimism

and how i still can't decide if i want to be a blogger anymore

and so many other random and frivolous thoughts 

and a few meaningful ones too

and, and, and ...